Sunday, December 5, 2010


20 days to go for Christmas here in United States. I used to be sad every Christmas here in United States because I miss my family. My Christmas here is cold and feel alone. Even it is like that I always fight my emotion and being homesick.

This year is kind of tough to me because of some fights and straggle I did just to have my Education here in United State. It is sad to say that my husband cannot understand why I wanting to study, sometimes he cannot support my decision and respect it. It is a tough year but still I am so thankful  because despite of everything I still can stand up my self and fight my emotion.

I achieved a lot of this year in a couples of months so a lot of reason  to be happy in CHRISTMAS, I got my driver license, finished my CNA class and passed my State license. That is a big things I've done and a big step to pursue my medical school someday.  This coming December 10 also is the starting of my Job in the Hospital sounds great right! Even it is a little hard here but still I pushed hard my self to become achiever. I am hoping that one day I can go farther of my career and become a stable someday. A lot to go to achieve my Dreams in Medical field but I will give my best to achieve it I will not surrender my dream because it is the only I have. I hope my work is not hard I can adjust easily and my workmate will never give a hard time to me. I known couples of them because I volunteer in the hospital where I'm going to work so I have more ideas about the area and what mostly task I'm going to do. I feel little nervous to encounter insane patient and demanding Nurse I just praying to God giving me enough patience at all  time and giving enough strength and present of mind.

The excitement is in my heart to think everything is in right track but without knowing to my husband, he killed my excitement every time he opposed my plan and always to compete his self. He had the attitude which is hard to give my way because he don't have any consideration to think my situation and my future. I tried my best to be a good wife but still it is not enough to him to put in trust in me and be with me. I don't know why his attitude is always over power in me. All I know husband and wife should always have the harmony and respect each other and understand each other. Sometime I just feel unfair because I am always giving and waiting just to understand  about what he deal of his passed life. I felt like my love is not enough for him. It is hard if you can't see any outlet for sincerity and trust in your marriage, It is hard if your the only one to have it and never received it in return. Many times I ask my mine what is the best thing just to have a peace in my mind because even I  did not bather my self about the issues I found out in my marriage still not effective it's because He made me shaken my emotion and distract it many times through telling me I just using him, I'm not loving him, I did not care him and I am going to leave him sounds like a teenager to me. I talked to him many times but he still cannot comprehend. What I know in marriage it is the promise to God  that no body can separate from husband and wife. The love and trust will molded and will growing  two of you.  Anyways even I have some issues about my marriage life I will still not losing I hope that one day I will be completely happy and me and my hubby will be successfull together. Is just so sad that you have everything then you have lacking a piece of Love and Trust I feel like it is a half of your life is gone. Maybe this is just a trials in my life which I need to face. 

I hope I did not make a wrong decision . God will Power me and Guidre me.


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